Q Dr Penewit, I am a happily married woman with a great husband and a good career. My problem is with one of my co-workers. We started out as friends but now we take breaks at the same time and have started having lunches together. I am looking forward to seeing him every day and the weekends seem like months until Monday comes when I can see him again. I am worried that I’ve gone too far and I don’t know what to do.
A The statement “I am a happily married woman with a great husband” tells me that you haven’t “gone to far”. You know that you’ve got a great husband and a good life and you’ve realized that. So what happened? Lets look to the Bible for help.
Look at Proverbs 4:23
“Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.”
It can be difficult to watch what you think sometimes when your mind is occupied with work and people around you. Situations can sneak in without you realizing it. You’ve meditated on a man who is meeting a Temperament Need that you have. Meeting Temperament Needs are vital for mental and physical health. When we get our Temperament Needs met it simply feels good! And when someone else helps us meet our temperament needs it causes a closeness to the individual (s) that can be good (if it is family) but if these temperament Needs are in the Affection Area and a member of the opposite sex helps you meet these needs, the result can be devastating if it is allowed to go to far.
Let’s look at our affection area
What is “Affection”?
Simply Put: Affection is the need to give and receive love and affection. Affection is unique because this can only happen between two people.
What are the “needs” of Affection?
This area has a need for intimacy. This need for intimacy can only be met by close, personal emotional feeling between two people .
Becoming close to someone means that you are willing to trust them with your innermost desires.
You will also have a desire to share your fears and feelings too.
So there are two “needs” of “Affection”. Need One is the need to have and keep a relationship with someone for love and affection.
Need Two is the need within your own “Temperament” is whether you want love and affection from everyone you meet or from just a few people.
So what “kind” of affection or love (physical or emotional) do you need? And what “kind” of Affection or love do you “need” to give to another person? All this is included in “Affection”.
How does this affect me?
Affection or the lack of love has a dramatic affect on us and how we feel about ourselves.
Giving and getting love and affection is important to our health, self confidence.
If your “Temperament need” for love and affection is not met it will eventually affect the other two areas of your temperament.
So…perhaps this person is helping to meet a temperament need without knowing it…but a need that is only for your husband to meet. The relationship can become intoxicating and addicting if you don’t cut the tie soon.
Linda and I use the Temperament Profile that will show us exactly where the need is and how to meet it completely!
Have “tough” questions and need answers? Dr W H and Linda Penewit answer your questions about family, children, love, sex and relationships of those who are single and married. Just click this link and click “contact form” and you are on your way!
We PROMISE we WILL NEVER use your contact information!