Trying to please, the never ending battle
Trying to Please
I’ve met a myriad of people in my practice over the years. But there are two kinds of people that I see, the first group really could care less about pleasing anyone else. In the second group live their entire lives trying to please other people.
But there is a third group of people that I have yet to discuss and that will be the topic for today. You are the person that I am talking about. Today we will discuss pleasing yourself.
Have you ever been on an airplane and the stewardess goes through the emergency procedures? They show you where the flotation devices are and the exits, but they also show you how to put on your oxygen mask should need be.
They will always tell you that if you have children put your mask on first and then put your children’s mask on. Why is that? The answer is simple if you are incapacitated because of the lack of oxygen you will not be able to put them ask on your children.
Let’s look at pleasing yourself the same way. If you are so busy trying to please others and not yourself it will eventually cause emotional trauma.
There are people that give and then there are people that take. People that take seem to have very large containers inside of them that can take whatever a person wants to give them.
And it never seems to be enough for these people. If you have one of these people in your lives it may be difficult to place them at all. No matter how hard you try it’s never enough.
And I’m sure that you ask yourself the question why can’t I place this person”I have bent over backwards” but I just can’t seem to please them.
I made a quote many years ago and I quote it quite often that is hurt people hurt people. I generally find that these people that can never get enough are the ones thatare hurt the most. They are looking for something but they don’t know what it is… so trying to please these people is like trying to fill up a bottomless pit. They will look at what you give them as self-medication. And it will never be enough
So learning to please yourself first is Paramount here, not only for your own emotional health but for your spiritual health as well.
There are five temperaments that we work with
The Melancholy…So you may be a Melancholy? If so then you are a great “thinker”… you are “task oriented”, you can “think things through” more efficiently than any other Temperament. When someone gives you a project to look over, you can see all the little “bumps in the road” better than most. People come to you to get your opinion about something that they are working on because you are so good at giving great advice on how to do things.
More “million dollar ideas” are in the minds of Melancholies than any other temperament. People love you because you are so loyal to them. When you give your word, you keep it at all costs.
But people stress you out…sometimes it’s more than you can stand and so you go into “dark” or “black” moods. No one understands these two terms better than you do. You may stay in these moods for days, weeks, months or even years, and there seems to be no way out of these moods.
Since you have a brain that you can never seem to “shut off”, you can become moody. When you try to sleep at night that’s when the nightmare can begin. When you try to close your eyes, your brain begins to play everything bad that has happened to you that day as well as times past just like a 3 D movie. This can and will control your life if you let it…but you can learn how to control your feelings and emotions. Dr W H Penewit and his wife Rev. Linda Penewit C.P.M. can help you develop a plan to take yourself back.
The Sanguine…
So you may be a Sanguine? If you are then you LOVE people, and at times you can’t get enough of them. Sanguines are the “lovers” of the 5 temperaments and have a genuine “temperament need” to be around a great quantity of people. In-fact, if you are not around people on a daily basis you will become depressed and stressed. You think best when you are around people who are talking and moving about. Sanguines describe interaction with people as “the air that I breathe”.
Sanguines have what is called “Sanguine swings” where they can swing down into the dependent mode, or they swing up into the independent mode. These “swings” are controlled by how much interaction with people they get and how the people that they interact with are meeting their “Temperament Needs“
Knowing how to meet the Temperament Need of the Sanguine will help them to live a full rich life.
The Supine…The Supine is one of the five Temperaments that Dr W H Penewit and his wife Rev Linda Penewit works with in the Dallas and Fort Worth Texas areas.The Supine Temperament is a wonderful temperament with superior strengths and a few weaknesses as well.
A Supine can interact with people that no other temperament could connect with. They have a non-invasive way to reach out to people that causes others no pain from them. It is truly amazing to watch a Supine connect with people. “A Supine is a Supine is a Supine.” In other words, a Supine needs people.
It does not matter whether they are a Supine in Inclusion, Control or Affection, the bottom line is: THEY NEED PEOPLE!
The one emotion that causes The Supine more pain than any other emotion is rejection. The Supine simply does not know how to process the emotion of rejection and so this emotion can cripple them on a minute by minute basis. Supines live with fears that can haunt them, and the second fear that stops the Supine cold is the fear of making decisions and the fear of being asked to lead. The Supine will seek leaders to interact with to lead them, but the thought of leadership brings terror into the heart of the Supine.
Supines have very specific Temperament Needs that must be met in a precise way. Fort Worth Christian Counseling can assist you in learning how to meet these specific Temperament Needs that the Supine has.
The Choleric… So you are a Choleric? Then you know who and what you are and you don’t need anyone to tell you because you already know!
You realized when you were young that you were a great leader, and you’ve proven it over and over again. If you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ then you have the ability to be one of the great Christian leaders of your day. You see yourself as a “people motivator” that has a profound effect on people. You are “tough willed” and you will rarely if ever change your mind because you know that you are right.
You have such self confidence that you know that no one can carry out a task as well as you can. When you are given a task you will push ahead and you won’t let anything stop you. All in all you can do whatever you set out to do. If the boss at work will realize this about you, then they will have a great asset indeed!
The Choleric goes through people like water…because they simply don’t see the value in others as “people”, they only see them as a tool to help them achieve their goals.
There are ways for The Choleric to become an ever better leader by realizing what their minor weaknesses are and dealing with them.
Fort Worth Christian Counseling can help!
The Phlegmatic…If you are a Phlegmatic in any of the three areas of your Temperament then you are a “well balanced” person. Since The Phlegmatic is a “blending Temperament” you may have a blend of Phlegmatic as well as the 4 other Temperaments. There are quite a few “strengths” in this temperament that makes The Phlegmatic superior in what they do. They can function well in “hostile environments” as well as friendly environments.
The Phlegmatic has “low emotional energy” so they tend to tire quickly. They will do only what they have to do to get the job done. Because of the low emotional energy that The Phlegmatic has, they are superior negotiators. They can find a way to peace between two parties in a way that is acceptable to both parties. This is because The Phlegmatic hasn’t the energy to “fight it out” so they always fine the path to peace.
Learning how to meet The Phlegmatics Temperament Needs can bring them back to life and the ability to participate with family and friends once more. Contact us
So learning to please yourself first is Paramount here, not only for your own emotional health but for your spiritual health as well.
There are five temperaments that we work with The Melancholy the sanguine the supine the choleric and the phlegmatic.
Knowing what your temperament is is the beginning to learn to please yourself.
Each one of these five temperaments and the thousands of various blends receive pleasure emotionally as well as physically in different ways.
Let us help you discover how God created you to be