Affairs are seldom “spontaneous”
You may know someone who has had an affair, your mate may have had an affair or you may have had one.
If you’ve been involved in an affair then you have questions of your own.
How do affairs happen?
If we want to make the answer as simple as possible, we can say “because your NEEDS aren’t getting met at home”
As simple as this seems, these “needs” are more important than you may think. Even the “simple needs” add up!
Here’s a partial list of things that are basic needs in a relationship.
- Acceptance (love) from your mate
- Physical touch which includes sex
- Intimacy, both physical and emotional (it all starts with emotional intimacy)
An affair is a step-by-step process
To learn where the affair starts we need look no further than the brain.
Lets look at what Jesus taught about this subject.
Matthew 5:28 The Message Bible
“You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body . Those leering looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt.”
Jesus was saying that an affair starts in ones heart (brain) and the damage is already done before you have sex with that person.
The temptation to lust is powerful, especially in this period of earth’s history. We are bombarded with suggestive images and scenarios at every turn. The advertising adage “Sex Sells” has been embraced fully by the marketing wizards.
Men are enticed by what they see, women by suggestion, but both tools are used on a constant basis. Even children’s programming has become sexualized.
What do I do to stop this?
The most effective way to prevent an affair is to get your temperament needs met.
If you are having an affair, you must exercise your power of choice to end it, and commit yourself to making your marriage relationship all it can be.
This begins with knowing what Temperament is, and why it makes a difference in the ways we communicate.
Knowing what your mate’s temperament needs are can be the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy one.
Contact us to start a process to healing and if you are in an affair we can help with a step-by-step process.